Suicide Isn't The Answer—I Promise

The person I hated most in this world committed suicide. It wasn’t the best day of my life because he committed suicide—it was because I knew with absolute certainty that I’d never have to face him again. That chapter of my life, marked by pain, anger, and trauma, was closed for good. Still, I’d never wish the pain that leads to suicide on anyone. It’s the kind of hurt that’s isolating, unbearable, and deeply lonely.

I absolutely hated my stepdad. I’ve never hated anyone in my life except for this man. I remember telling people, without any shame, that I was happy that he killed himself. But that’s not the truth, and I wish I would’ve watched my mouth before I said that 20 years ago. That wasn’t mine to say, and to someone struggling, who may have heard that, they might have thought the world would be better without them in it, too. But that’s not the case. You matter, and your life has value.

I haven’t experienced the kind of despair that brings someone to that point, but I’ve been close. If you read my earlier blog Let’s Talk About Intrusive Thoughts (Yes, Even the Weird Ones), you might remember: What if I just swerved into this hillside? What if I disappeared? Would everything finally feel quiet? Those moments creep in when the weight of life feels too heavy to carry. I’ve had my share of dark thoughts, wondering what it would be like not to exist anymore. But even at my lowest, I never came close to wanting to hurt myself. It was more about wanting the pain and chaos to stop—not my life.

If you’re feeling like that, I need you to hear me: you’re not alone. The pain you’re feeling is valid, but it doesn’t mean you have to face it by yourself. I know people probably tell you all the time, Talk to someone, but I mean it. Talk to me if you need to. I’ll listen. I’ll help you find a starting point. Not sure where to turn? Check out 988lifeline.org. It’s a lifeline for a reason—there’s someone there to help, day or night.

You’re allowed to have bad days. You’re allowed to hate life, lose control, and feel like everything is spiraling out of reach. Feel it. Cry, scream, break down if you need to. Feel every emotion, no matter how messy or overwhelming. But please, don’t let those thoughts consume you. Don’t let them win.

Life can be brutal, but it can also be beautiful. There are moments of joy waiting for you that you can’t even imagine yet. And I promise you this: the world is better with you in it. Even if it doesn’t feel like it now, there are people who love you, care about you, and want to walk beside you through the hard times.

You’re not a burden. You’re not broken beyond repair. You’re human, and you’re allowed to feel overwhelmed. But don’t give up. Together, we can face those dark thoughts and find the light again.